Shared kids – seven days with Dad and seven days with Mom.

A nightmare for children if their divorced parents just hiss at each other each time they meet.

But far from all children have such problems. In most cases parents are actually quite good at cooperating after a divorce, with a new survey showing that positive attitudes can provide a reasonable alternative for children.

The ‘Shared Children in Figures’ report from the National Research Centre for Welfare (SFI) canvasses 6,000 children born in 1995, giving an extensive and precise insight into the everyday life of children of divorced parents.

Twenty per cent of Danish children, predominantly those of 11 years of age, have experienced living alternately with their mothers and fathers, and according to the report the arrangement works well.

“Our survey shows clearly that content is more important than the framework,” says SFI senior researcher Mai Heide Ottosen.

“Children who live in well-functioning sharing arrangements do much better than those who grow up with divorced parents who are unable to cooperate. Travelling backwards and forwards is an extra burden on children, but if the parents arrange their lives sensibly and are flexible, swapping addresses can certainly function well for the children,” she says.

The issue of parental custody, or how access rights are determined do not seem to have a major importance on children’s welfare, according to the survey. Flexibility, however, is the key parameter.

“The small everyday things can be enormously important for a child’s welfare. If there is an event at one of the parents, it is important to allow the child to go without problems, even if it takes place in the other parent’s week. It’s the same with vacations and holidays,” Ottosen says.

“Parental magnanimity is extremely important as flexibility will most often take children’s needs into account. And that gives much better child welfare than if even the smallest irregularity is put forward as a great sacrifice,” she says.

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