Everything is last round.

Because Teddy has decided to end his life.

Assisted suicide and euthanasia are on the agenda in Denmark. In recent years, several countries have introduced legislation allowing assisted dying, including Canada and Australia. In Denmark the majority of the population is in favor of legalizing help to die, but politicians have been opposed so far. In early October 2023, 16 out of 17 members of The Ethics Council voted against introducing assisted suicide in Denmark. But he government, not least prime minister Mette Frederiksen, has declared their support, and has established a committee to encourage public debate and develop a proposal for “a Danish model for a more dignified death.”

However, this will not influence Teddy Lauridsen. The first time I speak to him on the phone at the end of August, I write three words on my notepad:

'Things are fucked’. That's his answer when I ask how he's doing.

»My head is fine, but the rest of the body is crap. From my big toe and up« says Teddy Lauridsen.

»The last six months, things have gone downhill. So, I want to leave quite soon«.

Teddy Lauridsen began planning his suicide after being hospitalized in August 2023. He was diagnosed with the chronic lung disease COPD last year. It is deadly, but it is possible to live with the disease for a long time. However, it is extremely uncomfortable, he explains:

»It feels like being choked. Then panic sets in. And once you're out there, you can't control it. It's so disgusting«.

He would prefer euthanasia or assisted suicide with the help from a doctor. However, that is illegal in Denmark. By the time we make contact, he has just obtained a lethal dose of medicine to end his life by his own hand.

»It's reassuring having the medication because then I can leave whenever I want«, he says.

Or almost sure. Because concerns about whether the suicide will ultimately succeed is nagging Teddy Lauridsen. He has tried to take his own life before when he faced financial ruin after a business adventure - several decades ago. He took more than a hundred pills but woke up again a few days later.

»So, my biggest fear is that the medication doesn’t work«, he says.

He has not set a date. But before he departs, there are some things he would like to accomplish. This includes, not least, culinary experiences. Teddy Lauridsen has always loved food, and in recent years, he has developed a taste for fine dining.

»The only thing keeping me going is gourmet experiences«, he says.

Therefore, he has planned a series of exclusive meals in the coming months. This includes a dinner at the steak restaurant MASH with his friend Sussi Henningsen and a Michelin-starred dinner at Dragsholm Castle with his friend René Jozwiak.

According to the law, it is punishable not to intervene if another person is in mortal danger. However, Teddy allows Politiken to follow him all the way to his suicide, on the condition that we do not share our knowledge with the authorities. He does not hide his plans; he has mentioned them several times to healthcare professionals, and all his friends and acquaintances also knows.

»They think it's perfectly okay. And they agree there is no life in slowly suffocating«, he says.

Recently, he got a friend to print out a manual from the internet on how to take one's own life. The document was on his desk, where his caregiver from the municipality spotted it.

»And then all hell broke loose«, as he puts it. She informed the home care service, which contacted his doctor, who called Teddy Lauridsen. He was having lunch with a friend.

»I have to admit you to the psychiatric ward«, said the doctor, whom he has known for many years.

»She is obligated to do so. But it pissed me off«, he says.

He convinced the doctor that he did not intend to take his life. At least not yet.

Teddy Lauridsen loves fresh bread from the bakery. The first time I step into his two-room apartment in a municipal housing complex, I have a loaf of white bread under my arm. He prefers it with a thick layer of butter and strong sliced cheese topped with rhubarb jam. And a handful of pills, washed down with orange juice. He takes 14 different ones a day, neatly arranged in boxes labeled with the days of the week. He doesn't know what they're good for. Several of them are for his stomach—after an extensive operation nearly fifteen years ago, he only has one meter of his intestine left.

Recently he was hospitalized with constipation. He shows his arms; there are several blue puncture marks from the hospital stay.

»And I'm bloody scared of needles«, he says.

I ask him to describe himself.

»Half-dead and damn cheeky«, he replies.

The latter is an understatement. Some might call him crude.

»Everyone says to me: ‘The day you're not cheeky anymore, Teddy, that's when we'll really worry´,« he says.

During the time I spend with him, that day never comes. He talks a lot about sex and a lot about women. He's crazy about both.

»Not many women have passed me by«, as he says. He takes a brief pause and declares, »I've been a scoundrel«.

In his youth, he often frequented the pub 'The Red Pimpernel,' where there was »action guaranteed every night,« says Teddy.

It was a huge blow to him when he got impotent after a prostate operation. He mentions several times that this is also one of the reasons why he wants to take his own life.

»When you can't have sex anymore, there's no point in life. You might as well lie down and die«, he says.

Teddy wakes up every morning a little before 6 a.m. He then turns on the giant television on the wall in his bedroom and lights a cigarette.

»The morning cigarette is very, very important« he says. Afterward, he goes to the toilet. The next hour is spent with the machine to help him breathe until the caregiver from the municipality arrives around 8 a.m. She makes coffee and prepares a couple of slices of toast. Then she leaves. »And if I'm lucky, she takes out the trash«.

Teddy spends his days, among other things, selling DVDs online. He has 182 active ads ranging from romance to James Bond. He typically acquires the movies through acquaintances who come across them in bulk waste. He only gets a few kroner per item.

»But I don't care about the money. I only do it to pass the time«.

He also organizes stamps for a friend who is a collector. Teddy Lauridsen has collected many things himself over the years, including ballpoint pens, stamps, and especially a certain type of plastic payment card used in Denmark in the 1990s. He has also manufactured and sold tokens for shopping carts.

»I've always been good at making money«, says Teddy, »a bit of a hustler«.

In some periods of his life, he has been so financially strapped that he almost couldn't afford to buy food. This has left its mark on him, and Teddy is a mix of very thrifty and incredibly generous. He is willing to travel far on his electric scooter for a good deal, and for many years, he insisted on collecting his pension in cash at the municipality. If the money was transferred to his bank account, he received a dime less. However, towards the end of his life, he has become more indifferent.

»In the past, I wouldn't dream of spending money on food the way I do today, but I don’t know what else to spend them on«.

In mid-September, rain sets in.

»That's why it's difficult to breathe today«, he says.

He breathes shallowly and quickly. Lately, he has been using the machine many times a day and sometimes at night. But as soon as he takes the mask off, he lights a cigarette. Teddy has been smoking since he was 14. At its worst, he smoked three packets a day. Now he smokes two. He knows he should quit.

»I turn on the machine while I have a cigarette lying in the ashtray. And when I've caught my breath, I take a puff. It's outright stupid«, he says.

Teddy Lauridsen has many friends and acquaintances. He often refers to them by their job titles: The Farmer, The Pizza Guy, The Window Cleaner. However, his best friend, Sussi Henningsen, is on a first-name basis. He calls her 'Smiling Sussi,' and she calls him 'Teddy Darling.'

They met eight years ago when she worked as a caregiver for him, and they maintained contact after she changed jobs. They talk on the phone every day, and she helps him with a bath a couple of times a month and does his laundry. Occasionally, she drops by with a homemade meal.

In return, he often invites her to lunch. Sussi prefers a sandwich or a fish salad, but he has managed to persuade her to have dinner at the steakhouse MASH. He has been there several times himself and is particularly fond of Japanese Kobe beef.

»Sussi just thinks it's expensive nonsense, but she has to taste it«, he says.

One Thursday in September, she comes to pick him up. They hug, and he gives her a playful slap on the bottom.

»You groper«, she says, laughing.

»I don't grope. I slap, and its pure love«, he responds.

She scratches his back, and he purrs with contentment.

»Don't you have a back scratcher?« she asks.

»She's here now«, he says.

»Ah, come on«, says Sussi and adds:

»We hit it off from day one«.

Some of the other caregivers complained about Teddy's cheeky remarks.

»I think he is funny. It's just his manner« she says.

Teddy has slept poorly at night, and Sussi suggests canceling the restaurant. But he won't hear of it.

»No, we're damn well going to be pampered«.

Sussi is wearing red pants and a T-shirt. Teddy thinks she could have made a bit more effort with her outfit.

»And the red pants. It's a bit too socialistic«, he says.

He, on the other hand, is dressed in a floral shirt, checkered jacket, and striped tie.

»I don't want to look like a slob when I go out«, he says.

In the car, they talk about Teddy's suicide plans. Sussi understands his death wish. Even though she will miss him terribly, she says,

»I know Teddy from the time when he was more active. I understand why he doesn't want to live like that. And I've told him that I want the recipe if I ever need it«, she says.

At the restaurant they are shown to a booth at the back of the room. Teddy smiles ear to ear and proudly spreads his arms as they sit down in the leather-covered chairs.

»Now you're really in for a treat, Sussi«, he says.

Teddy orders Kobe beef for both and a bottle of expensive French red wine.

»Now I'm alive«, he says when the wine is brought in by a young, female waiter.

Shortly after, a table is wheeled in with a small piece of meat on a very large cutting board. The waiter slices it into thin pieces while explaining the restaurant's special certification for the Japanese meat. Then it's time to taste.

»Mmm«, says Teddy, »it melts on the tongue«.

He looks at Sussi as she takes her first bite.

»Oh. It's fantastic«, she says.

»Yes, isn't it?« Teddy looks triumphant.

They get béarnaise sauce too.

»Did he say which animal it comes from?« Sussi asks.

»I can't remember, but it roams in the mountains for a really long time«.

Teddy smacks his lips.

»This is a treat. It's better than sex«, he says.

In late September, Teddy's condition worsens. He must cancel several of his lunch appointments. In the top drawer of his dresser lies a copy of 'The Book for My Loved Ones,' where one can write down wishes for their funeral. Teddy has put down, that his favorite flower is a carnation, and he would like to be buried in the common grave.

»But I'm actually quite indifferent. I just want to be cremated«, he says. The municipality will have to pay for the funeral.

»They've been screwing me over all the time. Now they can damn well cough up«, he says.

There won't be an obituary. He'll make sure to let his friends know when it's time.

»And then the news will get out by word of mouth«, he says.

Teddy shows me a small bag with tiny pills that he will use for suicide. There's nothing anyone can do to persuade him otherwise, he says.

»I'm ready. I've never been more ready«, he says.

He's tired of spending so much time at home.

»It drives me crazy. I want to get out more, but just getting dressed is like climbing a mountain«, he says.

Teddy doesn't feel lonely. He sees himself as a loner. But if he had had a wife or girlfriend, he might not have thought about ending his life.

»Then there would have been someone to lean on. If you live together, you don’t want to hurt each other, and the one left behind will probably always be sad«, he says.

Last Thursday of September, Teddy is going to Dragsholm Castle with his best friend, René Jozwiak, who has just turned 65. The trip is a gift. They will have the full menu and stay overnight at the castle. But when Teddy opens the door an hour before departure, he is still in sweatpants and bare-chested. He is pale gray in the face, and he has dark circles under his eyes.

»I don’t really feel like it«, he says. »I was up with the mask at least 100 times last night. When you haven't slept for a day and a half, you get a bit desperate«.

On the table is a small, open leather suitcase. He has already packed his pills, a pair of black, shining shoes, a comb, and hair spray. He puts the nebulizer down in the suitcase but struggles with the hose. You can hear his breathing as he walks around the apartment. Heavy and wheezing.

»It’s pure hell. An it's getting worse and worse«, he says, sitting heavily on the desk chair. Just then, René walks in.

»Are you complaining again?«, he says. René has just returned from a vacation in Spain with his wife. He is sunburned and casually dressed in a blue shirt, jeans, and bright white sneakers. He calls Teddy 'Mr. Lauridsen'. They have been friends for almost 25 years, traveled together many times, and have often enjoyed good meals along the way.

When they arrive at the castle, their room isn't quite ready. Teddy needs to use the bathroom and heads towards the castle's café. But the walk makes him lose his breath; he stiffens and grabs my arm. He coughs and gets a wild look in his eyes.

»I need to sit down. Oh, for heaven's sake«, he says. »It's crap, can't you see?«

With several pauses, he eventually manages to reach the bathroom. Afterwards, René finds a spot in the sun, and they are served a pot of coffee. He retrieves the backgammon set, and Teddy rolls the dices.

»Double six. It's almost too good to be true«, he says, smiling all the way up to his eyes.

The panic is forgotten. They play for the sake of enjoyment and don't keep track of who wins.

»It's very much about luck«, says Teddy.

»Yes, and you were born lucky«, says René.

He is convinced that Teddy will live to be over 80, even though the health of his friend has worsened.

»But I think he has many good hours left«, says René, and then directed at Teddy:

»And right now, you're feeling quite good«.

»Yes, as long as I sit still, I'm fine«, Teddy replies.

They got to know each other in the late 1990s when they both collected and traded a special type of plastic card. Over time, it developed into a friendship. René is a banker and lives in Roskilde. He has a wife, children, and grandchildren and doesn't have much in common with Teddy. René is a staunch non-smoker, and they don't agree on politics or football.

»He's a social democrat«, says Teddy, who has been a member of the right wing party Dansk Folkeparti.

»And a Brøndby fan«, says René. A football team Teddy hates. He cheers for FC Copenhagen. Still, they have stuck together because they allow room for each other's opinions, according to Teddy.

»I like his honesty«, says René.

»Yes, I don't sugarcoat things«, says Teddy.

In the late afternoon, they receive a heavy, golden key to room 50. It is located close to the reception, so there is not far to walk, but Teddy must catch his breath sitting on a stone along the way. When they enter the room, he collapses onto one of the two beds.

»Can I help you?« asks René.

Teddy doesn't answer. He opens his suitcase, connects the machine, and ads medication with shaking hands.

»Oh, lovely«, he says after taking a few deep breaths into the mask. Afterward, the two friends sit outside on the terrace, sharing a beer with a view of the castle in the evening sun until it's time to change.

»But I need to pee first«, says Teddy, heading to the bathroom.

»Wow, there's a jacuzzi here«, he shouts.

Later, he undresses and carefully folds his clothes. But he struggles with breathing again. He whispers, and curses to himself, »God damn it« and »Jeez«, while putting on a delicate pink shirt and a tie.

»It's like running a marathon for you«, René remarks, concerned.

Finally, Teddy is ready, and supported by René, he walks with uncertain steps to a golf cart that takes them up to the castle's restaurant. There is jazz playing, candlelight, and they are in for 15 servings.

»First, we have a teaser with six small dishes«, explains the waiter.

»Where are the women?« Teddy asks.

The waiter looks confused. »You talked about a teaser«, says Teddy, chuckles at his own joke.

»A taste prelude«, the waiter clarifies.

Teddy chooses a wine from the south of France that he knows, described by the waiter as »a wine in the dark, opulent style«.

The prize is 700 USD.

»It's a top wine«, says the waiter as he pours it into a decanter.

»Let's say cheers, shall we?« René suggests.

Then the waiter brings in the first serving. Tartare on bottom-sea mackerel with salted gooseberries and a small tart with langoustine, white asparagus, puffed wheat grains, and fresh cheese mousse. Sprinkled with dahlias and morning glories, the waiter explains.

After he leaves, René says, »I don't remember half of it five minutes later«.

But they agree it doesn't matter; it tastes delicious.

And now Teddy feels »like a fish in water«, he says.

The hours pass with changing dishes until the first of the evening's desserts. Then Teddy starts having breathing problems again. And just before the coffee is served, it goes awry. They must leave the table in hast, summon the golf cart, and drive down to the room, so that Teddy can turn on the machine and put on t the mask. That evening, it dawns on René how bad his friend's condition has become.

A couple of days later, Teddy sends me a text message: » I have set a timeframe«.

I call him. Teddy wants to die in October, he says. The trip to Dragsholm was the deciding factor. »When you can't go out anymore without it going wrong, it’s not fun anymore«.

When we meet a few days later, he has coughing fits, and when he takes a sip of coffee, his hand shakes so much that he spills.

»I must give up on going to Alchemist. It's a shame, but damn, I can't take it anymore«, he says. Late in the evening on Sunday, October 8, he calls me and says he will leave the following Wednesday. He can hardly speak because he's coughing all the time. Sussi is with him, and they have just called the on-call doctor because his chest hurts.

»I can't stand being anywhere«, he says. »All added up, it's all crap«.

The doctor wants to admit Teddy to hospital, but he refuses. Instead, the doctor prescribes painkillers. That night, Teddy sleeps peacefully for once.

Tuesday, October 10th is the last day of Teddy's life. He is in good spirits.

»I am a happy man today. I've made the decision, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Then it's: Thank you and goodbye«.

He has spent the last few days tidying up. One of his friends receives his lottery ticket, »so it doesn't go to waste«.

He has disposed of all his DVDs and canceled a couple of appointments for the coming days. Throughout the day, neighbors and acquaintances come to say goodbye. Including his 88-year-old friend Tove, who lives just around the corner. She brings half a bag of grind coffee so he can have real coffee beans on his last morning instead of instant coffee. In return, she gets the rest of the strong sliced cheese in the fridge. She also has a small handwritten letter for him. In handwriting with a red pen. It says, "Dear Teddy. Thanks for many cozy smoky moments. Thanks for being you." She promises, that she will toast to him at the graveyard.

»Can you behave nicely now?« he says to her.

»See you in the next life«, says Tove. She has tears in her eyes as she leaves.

René is there almost all day. They play backgammon for several hours. He has brought luxury open-faced sandwiches, and around lunchtime, they take a break. Teddy eats a huge sandwich with meat balls, and then they play backgammon again.

But in the end, he can't take it anymore. Before René leaves, Teddy makes him promise that he will go to Alchemist with his wife on the day they were supposed to go together. Then they hug. Afterwards, as a sudden thought, René says:

»Can I have your backgammon set?«

»Yes, I won't need it anymore«, says Teddy.

René takes the game under his arm. He stands in the hallway for a moment. Hesitates.

»Have a safe journey«, he says. His voice breaks.

»Thank you, my friend«, says Teddy.

Afterwards, Teddy goes straight to bed. In the evening, before going to sleep, he lies in his bed and watches the last episode of a reality show about farmers looking for a date, while eating a bowl of ready-made rice pudding from the fridge.

The next morning, Teddy takes a long time to open the door. We ring the bell several times before he shows up. He doesn't say a word, just sits on the bed. It has been a tough night and he has used the machine over and over. He hasn't regretted his decision, he says.

»On the contrary«.

He tries to smoke a cigarette but is stopped by a coughing fit. His whole-body shakes, and tries to take a drag but gives up.

In a plastic bottle, he has a deciliter of the yellow juice he always drinks. One of his friends has helped him crush the medicine into a pale, yellow powder. It's in a small plastic bag, and he sprinkles the contents into the juice and shakes the bottle. The liquid foams. There is still a bit of sediment, so he leaves if for a while before shaking it again. All his movements are determined. He tries to smoke again. But in vain. Coughs.

»It's never been this bad before«, he says. »Damn, it hurts«.

He takes a menthol bonbon and turns off his phone. It's just past 10 am.

»Now, I'll go lie down«, he says.

Next to the bed, he places a blue cleaning bucket in case he vomits. He reaches for the bottle with medicine dissolved in juice. It's now time for him to die.

So, we say goodbye, hug him and thank him for this time.

»See you«, he says.

Just as we walk out the door, we can hear him in the bedroom.

»Damn, an awful taste!«

We sit in the car outside his apartment and wait. One of his friends has offered to hold Teddy's hand along the way, so he's not alone. The person will let us know when it's over. After a few hours, Teddy falls into a deep and peaceful sleep, while the weather outside shifts between sunshine and heavy rain. And 11 hours after taking the medicine, Teddy’s raspy breathing changes to a bubbly sound. At 9:08 PM it is over.

We enter a couple of minutes later. Teddy Lauridsen lies in his bed, legs drawn up, with a firm grip around his pillow and the mouth is slightly open. His breathing, once so loud, has fallen silent.