»I feel humiliated
and crawl out of the supermarket«

3. Stop Stressing in the Queue

Keri Bloomfield, 47, from Wellington, New Zealand

»I love living in Copenhagen, but after living here for nine years, I still get unreasonably stressed when I’m in the city’s supermarkets. I would love to say to the cashier at Netto: Take it easy! Stop throwing my groceries down the belt. It’s not possible for me to pay and pack that quickly anyway.

My survival mantra has always been ’pay, pack, and get away’ when I find myself in what I call the pressure zone in the checkout queue.

The zone where I try to pack my groceries before the next person’s items come rushing down the belt, so I can avoid doing an awkward dance with them. My technique has improved over the years, but before, it felt like a high-pressure zone without mercy.

And heaven forbid if I forget to put down the divider. Several times, this has prompted the person behind me to slam it down almost passively-aggressively. Enough to make me feel humiliated and sneak out of the supermarket, promising myself to only use the self-checkout in the future.

Last month, my mother and brother from New Zealand visited me for the first time. As expected, they were sadly unprepared for the terror zone in the Netto aisle, so when our groceries started piling up at the checkout, I yelled in horror to my mother: »Stop talking and start packing!«.

4. Forget the Law of Jante

Ira Sylvester, 30, from Notting Hill, London, England

»I moved to Denmark as a ’love refugee.’ I was engaged to a Dane who, after we moved here, broke up with me. But by the time she did, I had already built a life here. So I stayed.

One thing I’ve noticed is that Danes, including Copenhageners, are extremely modest on a personal level. Mostly because of the Law of Jante, I imagine.

An example: I’m a comedian, but during the day I work as a stylist specializing in men’s suits. Denmark doesn’t have a strong suit culture, so I’ve had many Danish clients who just want the most basic suit for their wedding day.

»I don’t want to stand out too much,« they say. It’s literally their wedding day, and they’re worried about being too ’challenging.’

I’ve also felt pressured to conform to a less flamboyant way of being. To be less loud. But I refuse.

Another thing is that you still have a national pride on par with Americans, which sometimes borders on a concerning form of nationalism. I’ve heard someone claim that Scarlett Johansson has Danish roots and is therefore one of Denmark’s most famous actors, even though she uses the Swedish spelling of her surname.

Maybe you should keep some of that pride to yourselves and celebrate yourselves a bit more?«.

5. Try Sharing Your Meals

Jiro Go, 28, from Manila, Philippines

»I come from the Philippines, studied in England, lived in Norway, and now I’m in Denmark, where I’ve lived for 2.5 years. I feel Danish and have many Danish friends, but I’ve noticed a funny thing.

When you go to a restaurant in Asia and get a large Pad Thai, everyone at the table shares the meal. But when you go to a Chinese or Thai restaurant in Copenhagen, where you also get huge portions, you don’t share. People eat a whole fish alone. It’s a bit wild.

Another thing: I speak pretty good Danish by now. But I’ve noticed that when I’m out and want to make small talk in Danish, people often shut down the conversation. They say ’sorry, I have a boyfriend’ or something similar. So two months ago, my friend and I did a social experiment at Søpavillonen. We agreed to speak English all evening with all the Danes. It ended up with people actually wanting to talk to us.

Conclusion: If you try to small talk in Danish when you’re out, many think you’re flirting with them. If you speak English, you’re just being friendly. I don’t quite understand that.«

6. Make Room for Each Other on the Sidewalk

Philippe Masson, 26, from Bethesda, Maryland, USA

»People should really wear bike helmets more. It surprises me that in a city like Copenhagen, where so many cycle, people are so indifferent to safety. I know it’s not mandatory to wear a helmet, but it’s pretty straightforward to put one on. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to protect your heads – especially when you are so beautiful.

I cycle with a helmet, and for me, it’s a big red flag if I go on a date with someone, and she arrives cycling without one. It’s not a dealbreaker, but close.

Another thing I don’t understand – maybe it’s just my personal experience – is that you don’t want to move for each other on the sidewalk. This applies both in parks and on sidewalks. People are not aware of others around them. Especially when they are two or in larger groups, I often feel like I bump into people.«.

7. Have Patience and Help Us with the Language

Chiara Pecorari, 29, frrom Rome, Italy

»When you’re in larger social settings or at work, it’s very helpful that emphasis is placed on everyone speaking a common language. But there are also situations where it would actually be helpful if you let us practice our Danish. Maybe be a bit more patient – especially when we try to practice publicly.

I have often experienced, in stores or restaurants, that I try to order in Danish, but as soon as the servers notice my accent, they switch to English. It makes me feel quite insecure. So often, I end up actually trying to avoid speaking Danish to not feel embarrassed.«

8. Please Don’t Laugh at My Accent

Jefferson Bond, 31, from Belfast, Ireland

»I love Denmark. It’s my home, and I’ve always felt very welcome. You don’t talk meanly to each other, as I’ve experienced in London when doing stand-up. Instead of saying: ’You’re crap,’ you say: ’Hey, this might not be the best environment for your jokes, but we can see you’re trying.’ Helpful and polite.

After living in Denmark for eight years, I would also say that it’s neither helpful nor polite when you laugh when I speak Danish. Please don’t laugh at my accent or if I make mistakes. I know I sound weird – like Sylvester Stallone trying to speak Norwegian. But I’m trying.

And remember: I’m only eight years old in my Danish. You wouldn’t mock an eight-year-old for saying ’pasghetti’ instead of ’spaghetti.’«.

9. Help Us Understand Danish Traditions

Derek Hartman, 43, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA

»It would be helpful if you were better at explaining the things that are unique to Denmark. Things that not all newcomers know.

An example: Many international newcomers don’t know much about your Christmas traditions in Denmark. Among other things, what you usually do at your Christmas lunches. If a new international colleague has started at your workplace, it would be nice if you could share a bit over lunch about the various things that are done at the Christmas lunch.

Many people have different and unique traditions – also at workplaces – so it would be nice if you could share what you usually eat and do at these events, so we can learn a bit before we find ourselves in it.«