Ten minutes after the agreed upon time, Cathrine Widunok Wichmand arrives, maneuvering a cargo bike into the back building in Frederiksberg where her business, Flow Intimates, is housed. We had already pressed the intercom button several times without any response from the woman who found herself in a shitstorm over Easter.
She apologizes and explains that at the age of 35, she still has no sense of how long things take, such as the bike ride from her home to the office. Consequently, she’s often late. This is just one example of how her ADHD manifests itself. To her credit, she did warn us about the delay in a text message.
Together with her husband and two small children, she had looked forward to a peaceful Easter after a busy period, with each family member writing down their holiday wishes. The grass needed mowing, Christmas lights had to come down, and her son dreamed of a trip to Tivoli.
That’s not how it turned out.
It ended up being twenty minutes at Frederiksberg Center, where she feared someone might spit in her face or hit her. She was convinced everyone was staring and thinking nasty thoughts. The entrepreneur also had a panic attack in front of her children. She received hateful messages calling her a vile bitch, a disgusting drug whore, and a rancid pussy. One person even wished her dead, and that individual has been reported to the police. One night, she was so frightened of intruders that she dared not go to bed, locking all doors and turning on all the outside lights.
»It’s been some pretty unpleasant days«, she says as we sit down with cups, but no tea, because she forgot to pour water over the leaves in the kitchenette.
Easter week began with good news. A relieved Cathrine Widunok Wichmand shared in an Instagram story with her 80,000 followers that a caseworker from Frederiksberg Municipality had helped her apply for personal assistance to handle administrative tasks in her business. Tasks she struggles with due to her ADHD.
There were a few happy messages from followers unaware of the Law on Compensation for Disabled People in Employment, who now wanted to apply themselves. But there were also messages accusing her of being blind to her privileges.
Don’t you live in a big house in Frederiksberg? Don’t you own your own business? Why don’t you pay for it yourself? The criticism escalated when a local politician in Frederiksberg shared a post on Facebook, questioning why a well-off resident with a million-dollar villa should be granted an assistant at the public’s expense, while the municipality has to cut other welfare areas. Other politicians weighed in. And the media took it up.
We interviewe Cathrine Widunok Wichmand about her need for assistance, the moral debate, and being caught in a storm of criticism.
The need
Why do you need personal assistance?
»I was on medical leave due to stress for most of last year. It had built up over a long time, and my business psychologist said she had never seen anyone with so many crises in such a short period. I described my pattern of behavior. I’ve led a very busy life, I have a lot of drive and initiate things, but in the past, I could also lie paralyzed on the couch for days to recover and recharge. My downtime disappeared after I had two children. She mentioned ADHD, and I went home and researched it and thought: Wow, this is my life in a nutshell. I got evaluated, received the diagnosis, and returned to work, and I could see that everything that overwhelms me now makes sense. I was told by my doctor, psychiatrist, and psychologist that help was available in the form of personal assistance«.
What do you struggle with?
»It sounds silly when I say it out loud because it’s so easy for others. But I’ve lost count of how many bills I’ve paid late fees for or which have been sent to collections. These are the ‘stupid taxes’ people with ADHD pay. I can struggle to get out of bed. I often forget to eat. Now I have breakfast with my family, but 5 out of 7 days, I miss lunch because I’m alone at the office and forget. It takes so much effort for me to input a bill, even though I can pay it. It seems like I’m dumb. I spend a lot of time making lists. For everything. For the weekend. For things to be done at home. About my children, things I need to remember to buy, tasks at work. Otherwise, I forget. I’m never on time. I struggle to understand what time is and can’t estimate how long things take. What can I manage? I can either feel paralyzed and do nothing, or I’m going at 200 km/h. There’s so much communication, structure, and emails to respond to every day. I lose track and become paralyzed«.
What treatment do you receive?
»I take Elvanse for ADHD. It affects appetite; I’ve lost 12 kilos since November. I also take a small dose of antidepressant medication, which is mood-stabilizing. It’s prescribed to protect me after last year’s stress and for premenstrual dysphoria (PMD), as I can experience depressive symptoms during each cycle«.
What will the assistant do?
»I’ve been granted 15 hours a week for an initial year. The rate is just under 140 kroner per hour. I’ve been advised to find someone from, for example, CBS, who can do the things I can’t. I haven’t had time to look into it further because of everything that’s happened, but I hope to find someone who can help with inputting bills, structuring my day, telling me ‘This is what you need to do today and no more’ and ‘You have three hours here, you can manage this and that’«.
You’ve done well. Why do you need the municipality to pay?
»It’s an interesting discussion about when you’ve done well. I was on medical leave for almost six months last year; that’s not a sign of success and well-being. The law is designed to ensure equality in the workplace for people with physical or mental disabilities. It exists to keep individuals like me in the workforce«.
Is it unfair that you need to explain this?
»Many things are unfair. That I need to ask people if they want to see my paycheck to prove what I have and don’t have. It’s unfair that an elected politician doesn’t reach out to me before drawing conclusions and using my name and photo«.
The morale
You don’t have to apply just because you’re entitled to?
»Right now, my family and I are balancing. ADHD is hereditary, and without saying too much, it’s not particularly easy at home. It took me a year to call the job center and inquire about the program. Now I’m feeling symptoms of stress again, and I want to take responsibility for not falling apart again«.
What kept you from applying?
»Probably my ADHD. It’s an administrative task that needs to be done. My caseworker explained who could get assistance. He helps others with the application too, and he asked if he should help me? I’ve learned to say ‘yes please’ after many years of thinking I had to handle everything myself«.
It’s 9,000 kroner a month. Why don’t you pay yourself?
»I’d like to turn the question around and ask: Why do people deduct their travel expenses even if they can afford gas? Why does the elderly lady living on Frederiksberg Allé have the right to home help and cleaning, even though she has an apartment she once paid 300,000 kroner for but is now worth 15 million? How little do I need to earn before I can apply? I sold an apartment, I sold a summer house, I earned good money as an influencer. Those three things – plus having a husband with a job – allowed us to buy a house in Frederiksberg. Does that mean I’m disqualified from receiving help later because I’ve been successful and earned good money? I no longer earn money as an influencer. I’ve tried to create a work life more on my own terms, where I gave up a good salary but hopefully create value elsewhere, jobs, and avoid getting sick with stress again«.
Can you understand why people, who see your life on Instagram, think: Why doesn’t she pay herself?
»Yes. But I wouldn’t think that way myself. I’m not too concerned with what others earn. Even a company like Novo Nordisk can get employees at a reduced rate from the municipality, which sends them for job training or into flex jobs. The top executive also has the right to get his appendix removed and send his children to public school. One of the most beautiful aspects of our country is that the welfare system is for all of us. In my case, the system worked. The unusual thing is that there’s anger over it working. It’s usually the opposite. I can also see through many comments and messages that many find it incredibly difficult to get help. I think that’s sad«.
What are your thoughts on receiving assistance while others can’t?
»It’s clear that broadly, the system doesn’t work. That should concern politicians rather than criticizing that I, with a mental disability, received the help the system deemed appropriate. I’m worried about how we’ll manage in my own family, how the future will look for my little ones given the challenges we face – but I’ve managed, and I can show them that you can get by – and if things get too difficult, it’s no shame to ask for help. I want to avoid not being able to cope«.
Would the reaction be the same if you were missing a leg and applied for a wheelchair?
»I don’t know. I’ve also received anger from people who have ADHD and can’t get help. I understand that people get triggered by this. When I talked a lot about fertility treatment, there was a deep anger in me that I couldn’t succeed in having children, and it was hard to see others having babies like this. I didn’t hate them, but I hated the fact that there was happiness I couldn’t have. It was really deep sorrow. It was hard when friends had children, and I could feel sides of myself I wasn’t proud of, but they were very human, I think«.
Shitstorm
Why are so many angry?
»There’s a dislike for influencers, which is also tied to hatred towards women. It’s a profession with many women who have worked their way up from nothing and have earned good money. At the same time, there’s a dislike surrounding the discourse that ‘now everyone suddenly has ADHD’. I’m not allowed to have both success and vulnerability«.
Are you sure about that?
»Almost. I’ve changed Danish legislation on fertility treatment with a citizen proposal. I’ve published books that people read. To some, I’m a success. But people can’t handle that I can have difficulties. I’ve always been open about everything related to fertility, but I hesitated before sharing this about ADHD assistance«.
Why?
»I felt that because it’s mental, it was more... taboo in some way. I was afraid to share it – and then I felt ashamed about it. And of course, one shouldn’t feel that way. Ashamed. It’s become natural to be open about not being able to have children. It should also be natural to say: I need help to make my daily life work«.
How many hateful messages have you received?
»I haven’t counted them, but I think the supportive messages outweigh the bad ones. But I’m not in a particularly good place. I’ve been very nervous about this interview, and I’m thinking about every word I say because I know it will be scrutinized and debated. At the Frederiksberg Center, my son wanted a juice from Joe & The Juice – there haven’t been many experiences in his holiday, so he got it. For him, it’s cool and exotic, and with the brains in my family, it’s important to continuously eat and drink, so it was fine to go in there. But I told my husband that I shouldn’t walk out with a pink plastic cup, because then people would start saying and writing that she can afford Joe & The Juice, but she can’t afford an assistant. It’s a form of social control, surveillance. I have a feeling that everything I do is being watched«.
Have you thought of changing your public presence on Instagram after this?
»I’ve already done that because I no longer earn money as an influencer. I make far fewer posts and don’t know if I’ll make more. I knew I’d be judged differently because during the fertility treatment period, many askedwhy I didn’t pay myself. We did pay for both children ourselves, by the way. But things have changed. The language around infertility. And I hope it also changes with what’s in the brain. That people can see I want to create value for society but need assistance. Helping me is an investment that, in the grand scheme, isn’t that large relative to what can come from it«.
Would you make the same story today?
»In hindsight, I can certainly see that it could provoke. I need to be honest and say that it’s also part of my ADHD that I can’t foresee consequences«, says Cathrine Widunok Wichmand.
