I’ve spent my life feeling my penis is too small. For as long as I can remember I have felt shame about it. I believe how I feel about my penis shaped my life, particularly up to my mid-20s. I’m doing this to help other men.
My teenage years were difficult for me – I’d look at other guys in the showers at school and think they were bigger than me. I felt ashamed and ‘less than’. I was worried about it being too small to function. I went to an all-male school and then an all-male college. I was worried about being ‘revealed’ somehow.
As I felt my penis was very small, I didn’t have sex till I was 21. I wanted to have sex before that, but every time I got close I went, ‘Ah, she’s going to discover my penis is so small.’ In the end when I finally had sex it was with someone I felt very close to and trusted, and I was relaxed about it. It stopped me having more sex earlier, with women I didn’t feel so close to. I’m not saying whether that was a good or bad thing.
At times I’ve gone to public toilets and been too tense to pee. That still happens sometimes. If you are lined up with lots of people sometimes you worry people are checking you out.
