I have a big penis and that gives me quite a few advantages if I choose to take them. I have mixed feelings about having a big penis. It’s seen as a bonus. I suppose life has been easy in some ways because of that. But I’m quite conflicted because I fundamentally disagree with the idea that a large penis is better than a small one. I don’t like the effect of this perspective on penis size in people and in the world around me. Men’s personalities can be defined by believing they are too small. So in a way I like having a big penis and in another I dislike the way society perceives big penises.
I find on a personal level it’s quite easy to use that attribute as a bit of a screen. If I get naked I tend to get quite a lot of admiration and it’s been easy to hide my insecurity about how my personality will be perceived. ‘I can be naked. You’ll like me, fantastic.’ I have to try not to use my body as a shield to hide behind.
I’ve had self-image and self-confidence issues from childhood. I’ve worked on it and come a hell of a long way. But part of that journey was to realise that in the past I’ve hidden my personality, which I’m not sure people will like, behind a body that I’m pretty confident they will like.
I’ve chosen scenarios in which I would meet someone through Grindr and we’d meet and get naked straight away, rather than going for a coffee and getting to know them and then deciding whether we wanted to go back and sleep with each other. That was very much because I was nervous of how my personality would be perceived and, I suppose, scared of rejection. It was far easier to be naked because I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t be rejected because my body shape, my penis, is something that society values as attractive.
