I’m kind of intrigued about this opportunity to talk about my relationship to… I don’t want to say penis and I don’t really like saying cock… Rufus, yeah, Rufus. (laughs) My penis, Rufus, is kind of a barometer of my health, my happiness and my fitness. My sense of my wellbeing is related to my sexual energy.
I’ve always felt most in communion with my body and with another person’s body when I feel that my overall fitness, health and energy are high. Ironically, the only time I’ve ever worried about Rufus is when I went through a period a couple of years ago where Rufus wasn’t rising “ I think sex needs to be put back on its fucking pedestal” and it was a sign of another health condition. I’d never even thought about how stress can affect your body and your sexuality. If it wasn’t for that I would probably never have realised I had high blood pressure or that stress can have a negative effect on your desire to have sex.
I knew there was something wrong because the desire was there, but Rufus just wasn’t. I was like, ‘Man, what are you doing? You don’t seem that bothered. I’m bothered, the whole team is bothered, what’s up with you? Come on, man.’
I’ve got quite an active mind and I’m often juggling stuff which is to do with deadlines, work, writing and different projects, and the only time my mind is completely silent is during sex. A partner once said to me, ‘Well, what do you think about when we have sex?’ and I said, ‘What do you mean, what do I think about? I’m just like… I’m here with you. You’re naked, we’re making love and what else is there? There are no thoughts!’ And then I thought, ‘Oh, you fantasise about other things? Other people? Really?’ For me sex is almost about vacancy. It is a moment of complete embodiment, of being totally calm in the world, do you know what I mean? It is about being fully present.
