I am the older brother to three younger brothers. Initially, we lived in the Faroe Islands, and my oldest younger brother was born there. At the time, I didn’t think much about what it meant to be an older brother. I was just naturally an older brother to him.
But when I turned eight, my next younger brother came into the world. I can clearly remember that I felt the arrival of an extra family member and that there was a significant age gap between us. When I was 10, I got my third younger brother. I remember being a bit surprised by it. But I also understood much more clearly that I was an older brother to someone, and I began to consider who I wanted to be for my siblings.
I had some experiences with my oldest younger brother: We went to the same school, and I felt like I disappointed both him and myself a bit because I wasn’t there for him enough. It left an impression on me. That I couldn’t stand up to the social dynamics and games that sometimes unfold.
Those experiences instilled in me an awareness that I needed to do more to protect my brothers if someone didn’t treat them well. I realized that it might happen that I had to resist. My brothers needed to know that I would always be there for them. It became important to me that they had no doubt about that.
It’s not that I can remember many specific episodes where they needed me in that way, but it was a very clear feeling within me.
When I was in my first year of high school, my parents divorced. It was a somewhat inevitable breakup, which I quickly realized needed to be rebuilt. I was out with my friends a lot and sought comfort from them. During that period, I felt that I wasn’t as close to my brothers. I still had a very good relationship with them, but I wasn’t as much a part of the family picture when there was family time.
At that time, none of us knew what the divorce would ultimately look like. It didn’t take long before we got used to the new family situation. My youngest brothers adjusted faster than I did. But everything has ended up very well. It feels very normal again in our family. My parents have been so good at making it work, even though they couldn’t be together.
Talk about everything
Today, I spend a lot of time with my family and my brothers again. My oldest younger brother also had a period in high school where he wasn’t home much. But that’s probably just a fairly common phase.
In my family, we’ve always played a lot of games. We love ’Partners,’ for example. And some of the funniest evenings of my life have been when we’ve been together with my cousins, my aunt, and grandmother, and everyone else in the extended family who also love to play games. We hang out late into the night. When a family develops traditions from the beginning, there is also respect for the fact that we’re doing something together now. I’m quite proud that we have that.
My brothers and I talk a lot about, well, everything, but also the deep things about our roles in the family, and we reflect on other families as well.
As it stands right now, my oldest younger brother is the one I share boyish mischief with. We have a very friendly bond and are both somewhat mature. But I also talk a lot with the other two. The 14-year-old loves to debate, and I love him for it, so we talk a lot about what interests him, and I try to challenge his worldview. The youngest reminds me a lot of myself in his approach to life. He is very sporty, versatile, and sensitive. I think I’m very much a third parent to him. With him, I feel like: Nothing must happen to him.
